The Trigger is Not The Cause

When we interact with others at work or at home it is important to understand that others can trigger our feelings, however, each and every one of us is responsible to manage how we are feeling. For example, if we get a deep tissue Sweedish massage and the next day we are sore, the masseuse triggered the preexisting or underlying pain. In much the same way we can get triggered emotionally if someone speaks in a way that the echo of long-time emotional distress is reignited. If a parent thoughtlessly labeled you as clumsy, or lazy or stupid, and your supervisor innocently suggests you need to study more, the preexisting climate in between your ears is going to interpret that you are being called lazy or stupid. The people around you cannot be responsible for your feelings. You are the sole expert on your feelings. How you express yourself in relationship to those feelings is the work of Non-violent communication.