Marshall Rosenberg says an uncomfortable feeling is a symptom of an unmet need. The dolphin chair requires we take the time to examine what we really want so that we can express our needs without aggression. Our communication goal here is to be assertive, clear and compassionate with ourselves.
The 4 Steps of Nonviolent Communication
- Observe without judging. Notice and express information without evaluating in terms of right or wrong. …
- Express feelings. Hidden emotions are usually at the heart of failed communication. …
- Express and clarify your needs. …
- Express specific requests based on your feelings and needs.
A request that is not specific is not useful. Remember we said meaning resides with the listener? Our monkey minds will invent an insurmountable/impossible task and the communication effort will collapse.
An example of clear communication: You loaned your roommate your car. They forgot to turn the headlights off when they parked in the garage. The battery is now dead and you cannot drive your car again until the battery is jumped.
MADDENING right! Yes, and not the end of the world. What do you need?
As you get yourself an Uber to get to work you leave your roommate a note.
When I went to start my car this morning I realized the battery was dead.
It appears the lights were left when the car was parked in the garage.
It was a surprise and I felt mildly disappointed.
Please call AAA and have them jump the battery before I return home tonight at 5:00 PM.
I will save the receipt for the Uber for my alternative transportation to work this morning and share that with you when I return.
Thanks for looking after my request.
This solves the problem. (It’s up to you if you want to loan the car to your roommate again).
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